As I creep, ever so carefully, towards the second half of my life; I find myself noticing women of all shapes, sizes and colors. Each of us has our own unique journey. We are similar in so many ways and vastly different.

While we may have shared an identical upbringing to our sibling (if we have one) I would venture to say our road was markedly different, than that of even our very own sister’s.

We all begin as young girls and yet we visit many different phases in life that define our destination. The road is long and involved. There are so many different surfaces that we tread over the years.

Have you ever thought of how you will be remembered when it’s all said and done?

In recent years I have watched many younger girls traverse down roads of their own. The same little schoolgirls, who once ran innocently up to embrace my leg in elementary school, often begin to morph into insecure beings around seventh grade. They become distant, awkward and self-conscious. Many begin to avoid eye contact, perhaps they begin to pretend as if they don’t recognize me.

It’s a response that, in my mind, mimics the Garden of Eden. I get so puzzled by the change and wonder where it stems from. Perhaps they’ve eaten some forbidden fruit (so to speak) and are no longer free to be my friend.

Shame, guilt and distrust have entered the scene and they begin to hide. When I first began to see it, I thought it was something I had done (another plague of womanhood for many of us, taking the feelings of others personally).  However, as more and more girls began fit the mold, I soon realized that the loss of innocence was part of many girls’ passages into womanhood.

As I watch women everywhere, I see many conflicts of emotion. In many ways we have enormous discord with one another and yet our commonalities are endless. It is with one another that we have the best conversations, laughter and connection, yet it is being around each other that can create the deepest level of self consciousness and competition also.

Most of us begin our lives so innocently; we will sit on most people’s laps, stroke love and value into the hair of almost anyone with our precious little hands. Many people will feel our unconditional adoration and tendency to ‘mother’ and nurture those around us from our youngest years.

Somewhere along the line we get hurt, by one another mainly, and we begin to lose our innocence. Sadly, we begin to fight back with a self-protective, defensive and often mean mode.

It is today's twenty-year-old girls that concern me most. Their façade is truly a mystery to me. Many walk around as if they have to put you down with their glances and shuns. They have walls that are structured around their beings, to prevent any penetration to their souls. They aren’t open to connecting, even if it’s just a smile or a friendly hello and yet I know that inside that pretense is a girl who is hoping she's beautiful, lovely and likable.

I can kind of see why the need for the wall; girls can truly be so cruel. Like cats we can cut to the core with our invisible claws. I know I have regrets in that department. If only I could undo the hurtful things I did or said to others over the years. I realize now, that I am older, wiser and frankly more secure, that some of my words, thoughts or actions (deliberately mean or just plain selfish) might have rubbed salt on wounds of another- wounds which I never even knew existed. (Thank you Jesus for full forgiveness, grace and redemption- You are the Best!)

I have a dear friend who is in her early 20’s. I am constantly telling her to enjoy her physical ‘self’ today, because “no matter what, you’ll wake up one day and it will become maintenance.” On the same token, I tell her of all she has to look forward to as she ages, “you slowly let go of the grip of what others think of you and you gradually get released from the prison of trying to become someone you’ll never be; it is so liberating.”

Thinking about women in the way I have recently, has caused me to come to terms with a longtime hurt that I have had towards my late grandmother. As I have grown aware of women in general, I have realized that she was after all- a woman. Though she neglected to love me the way I think a grandmother should love a granddaughter, I have come to accept that I only knew her on one leg of her journey on earth.

There were many seasons leading up to that phase of her life that I know nothing about. I don’t know what she was like as a little girl, a teenager, a newlywed, a pregnant young lady or a mother. I don’t know what she felt like to be in her marriage or friendships. I don’t know about her closeness or with or distance from God.

Maybe she couldn’t love-on me because no one had ever loved-on her. Maybe she didn’t embrace my femininity because no one had embraced hers. Maybe she had a load of her own insecurities that prevented her from building me up and causing me to feel that special granddaughter joy.

Do you have a woman in your life that has let you down? Maybe she didn’t love you the way you think she should have. Maybe she hurt you verbally, emotionally or physically. Maybe she didn’t protect you from harm in your life or listen to your hurts with compassion.

Perhaps your journey of forgiveness could include hypothetically walking her road for an imaginary season. What was her childhood like? Was she emotionally nourished, really the way she longed for? Are you expecting her to give you something she simply doesn’t have?

All too often we expect things of others that they cannot provide for us. Only God can provide for all our needs? I realize you can’t see Him, but if you call to Him, He says in Jeremiah 29:13

“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” (NIV)

He can be your mother, grandmother, friend, sister, (father, teacher, coach, husband etc.). God can love on you; believe me, He loves on me all the time. You can sit on his lap and stroke His hair, all the days of your life. You never need to put up a wall; you never need to avoid eye contact with Him. He is your Abba-Daddy. Sure you’ve eaten the forbidden fruit, who hasn’t, but God has forgiven us so fully. He allowed His son to be crucified for our sin (no matter how bad you think it is) so we could always be in communion with Him.

He will never shun you, never hurt you, He will never betray your trust. He has the ability to smooth out your mistakes and calm your fears. He can provide you with the ability to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can and the He can provide you the wisdom to know the difference. (Prayer of serenity)

God will even help you forgive someone on your journey who did not meet your expectations or flat out abused you. He can transform memories from painful ones into blessed ones when we allow Him to help us forgive.

Mark 11:25 “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins."(NIV)

I have this feeling that by the time my granddaughter (I am going to have one, certainly) sits on my lap, stroking my hair that she will see a woman who has worked out a bunch of stuff. She won’t see the parts that have brought me to that point. I hope I will be a source of encouragement to her as she grows and faces the things that women face. I hope she will experience God through me and marvel at who He is. I trust we will celebrate Him together. I want to leave a legacy.

I hope you are blessed by this
Legacy, Nichole Nordeman