I’m not stupid, but for most of my life I really thought something was wrong with me mentally. I fell off a changing-table at 17 months old and was unconscious for a while; everyone attributed the fact that I could not keep up with the other kids to that. Whether the comments were in jest or for real, the whole concept stuck.

I couldn’t comprehend things the way the other kids did. Some people expressed a belief that I was extremely smart (like my grandfather) but for the most part I believed I was unintelligent and probably other folks did too.

I don’t know what I really meant when I said ‘for better or worse’ but let me assure you there have been far too many times that keeping that promise simply seemed too difficult. Furthermore, it seemed like the couple that made that commitment was so young and naïve to the reality of what life had in store. So much has changed since then.

As the journey of life rambled along the road, pressures and distractions began to stack up; so did an ever-increasing division between the young couple (who at one point couldn’t keep their eyes off each other).

There have been times that the worse felt worse than I ever could have imagined and keeping that type of promise simply did not seem doable. When things got really painful I, all too often, had the question, “Is this the straw that is going to break the camel’s back?” I wondered far too frequently, “Can I take this or should I get out now?”

It was almost as though my marriage was doomed because of the way I viewed it. Somewhere in my heart there was the inevitable end and I began to believe it would not be at the conclusion of my life. I know some people can not relate to that feeling of reaching the end of a marriage, but I know a whole lot of people can.

Maybe when I was first married I really thought we’d grow old together; but as life got busy, as kids and career replaced the ‘feelings’ we had at first; I sincerely believed the lie that there was something out there that could maintain that ‘feeling’ we first had, forever.

“Annie” arrived at my house dragged down and emotionally burdened. She was complaining about her husband. He had been ‘pawing at her’, even as she was heading out the door. “Can you believe that?” she asked anticipating I'd chime in, in agreement. “I give it to him once a week and that’s a lot more than most of my friends.”

I wanted to be a supportive friend, but in reality I cringed when I thought of God’s wonderful gift to married couples being reduced to a weekly obligation.

From my standpoint men express a lot of their love and leadership in the bedroom. As her complaints spilled out of her mouth, my mind drifted to the vision of a faithful husband desiring to be vulnerable and close to his wife. I was sad knowing her response was one of rolled eyes and a glance to the calendar to see if she had already filled that obligation for the week.

I often catch women complaining about the state of their marriages. My first question is “How’s your sex life?” I can tell you a list a mile long of excuses from pregnancy, new babies, no time, too much to do to irregular cycles.

I am no stranger to obstacles. As parents of four sons we have faced quite a few of our own. With a house full of an endless supply of needy people and days so cram packed with activity, every last bit of energy is sucked out of us like a high power shop-vac.

I am tickled however, when I think of the times and ways that my husband has made me smile when he’s caught me off guard at the most in inopportune moments. It has been a bit of a game and my response is (usually) joy at the opportunity to make him to feel more valuable than anything or anyone else on my busy schedule. After all in my hierarchy of priorities he sits right below the Lord. Having time and energy for both of them is something that brings me great satisfaction.

Certain phases of life can feel like a birth canal. I'm ready to move on through but I'm scared to leave the comfort of what I know. Usually regardless of what I want or don't want to do I am going to be moved through this passage anyway. Ultimately what lies on the other side is full of opportunity and greatness, but the changes that will come about are a shock to the system no matter what.

I am knee deep through a birth canal in my parenting my teens. I have what will soon be three teenagers (boys). (That's not the lump sum of them either, there's one more who is 6; thank God someone in my house still goes around having serious conversations with R2D2.)

Dwindling are the days of family activities. Suddenly each person has his own life. He has passions for his interests and his friends; they differ from my husband's and mine or his brothers. I never dreamed that having the whole family together at once would be such a treasure; nor did I ever imagine giving them the freedom to make their own choices would be such a challenge. I wasn't prepared for their interests to differ so much from mine; I wasn't ready to grasp that they belong to their own generation and like it or not I'm not part of it. It is hard to let go.