It’s Complicated

When I say ‘It’s Complicated’ I am not referring to one’s intimate relationship with another person, rather a description that appears on so many people’s status which identifies their spiritual beliefs on Facebook.  I certainly get it if people don’t believe what I believe however, as one who knows exactly what I believe come Hell or high-water I think it’s critical for every person alive to dedicate a bit of their life to figuring out exactly what you do accept as true.

As a thirteen year old girl I went through one of the most horrific things I may ever experience. While I was sleeping over at my best friend’s house there was a phone call in the middle of the night. It was the local police department, my friend’s seventeen year old sister, whom I loved, adored and idolized had been thrown from the open door of a swerving Jeep and slammed headfirst into a guardrail post on the side of the highway, in the middle of the night.

In an instant a she was gone. I would never lay eyes on her again.  In addition to my own pain and agony from a personal loss, I witnessed the emotional earthquake that rocked a happy home as a loving family discovered the emotional effect that inflicts a family with the sudden loss of a child.

I vividly remember everything about that night.  I was a young girl; I had a lot of questions.  I had a lot of thoughts about God!

The family was religious; they were very active in their church.  They did more than many people I knew, they went on Wednesday night to choir practice, church every Sunday and they were really involved. Why wouldn’t that type of participation serve as a buffer from this type of catastrophe?  Had they not stored up good deeds, I wondered.   “God needed another angel in Heaven,” I remember one woman say as she was grasping for answers hoping one made since.

It’s been many years since that night and I am a Christian now. I don’t mean I go to church, I have always gone to church, but what I mean when I say I am a Christian is that I believe with every fiber of my being that Jesus Christ is the Son of God. I believe wholeheartedly that He was born of a virgin; He died and rose again, for the forgiveness of sin and resurrection of the dead. This is not something I chant, not something I sing about mindlessly on Christmas and Easter; this is something I believe twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, throughout every high and every low.

Each event, every news story, every good occurrence and every bad thing goes through the filter of truth before I base an opinion on it.  My filter of truth has nothing to do with my feelings because they are as solid as water and depending on my hormones they can sway like a reed in the wind.  There is nothing solid or reliable about feelings.

My faith is based on the Bible; the same Bible that has been around forever.  I often feel good about what I read, but I understand that my feelings are not dependable.  I cannot rely on what I feel when I need answers. Though my feelings may be strong as the dickens that’s all they are; strong feelings. They were equally as strong when I didn’t believe what I believe now.  My feelings are not going to provide answers and support when I need it most.

Relationships based on feelings do not last…feelings change.  This goes for a relationship with God; it must be based on truth if it is ever going to survive life’s storms.

When I go back to the painful August night in 1983 I now have peace.  For years I was gripped in fear, I felt the need to protect myself, clearly there was no one watching out above or this type of thing wouldn’t have happened.

I began to adopt a self-protective mode of ‘I can prevent this type of pain from happening to me, if I stay in control and carefully guard myself.’  I thought ‘what in the world would allow such pain-who in the world?’  ‘I thought I had heard God is love over and over in church- what kind of love is this?’ I rationed.

I know now without a shadow of a doubt that there is a God, He has a plan and while His decisions may cause me to hurt from time to time, He is God and I trust EVERTHING about Him, even the things that hurt.  This faith is only strengthened as I devote more of my life to understanding God.  When you hear of a Christian having peace in the midst of a crisis it is because our faith in Jesus is truly the only thing we hold tight to and if it kills us, frankly for the follower of Jesus to die is gain (in God’s perfect timing).

For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. Philippians 1:21 (NIV)

You can think I’m out of my mind, not normal because of my beliefs but I don’t care. Why would I choose to be normal when my life feels so good?  Putting my faith in Jesus, no matter how weird others might view it, has provided a foundation for my life that is more solid and real than anything I could imagine.  I have found what I have been searching for, I will look no further. I have reached my destination on earth; the rest is a journey of fulfillment of a plan that has been divinely created just for me and when it’s over here, it’s time for true Paradise.

For His own purposes God allows things to happen.  Each of our days a have been numbered from the beginning of time, my childhood friend’s days were no different.   God didn’t lose sight of that precious girl, He can’t; He’s God! While we cannot fully grasp His capabilities (as He gave us finite minds and He is infinite), the more time we invest in a relationship with Him the more fully we appreciate how adored we are by Him, each one of us.  When horrific things happen and people get taken away we don’t question His love and provision we simply believe He is doing something greater than we can imagine.

The answer to why He allowed a child to be ripped from the lives of a ‘religious’ family at the tender age of seventeen is more clear to me now that I understand Him; after spending time with Him and reading His word. 

One thing I now know is He isn’t after our religion and good deeds.  He’s not into our ‘spirituality’ and our donations- He’s after our hearts!  We can’t earn His love and approval; we already have His love.  We think our religious acts and good deeds are ‘all-that’ but this is what the Bible has to say about our good deeds:

All of us have become like one who is unclean,

and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags Isisah 64:6 (NIV)

Go ahead give to the needy, be a ‘good person’, go to religious services, be ‘spiritual’ but don’t ever think for a minute anything you do is winning brownie points with God.  He knows when you get up and go to sleep, He knows what you watch, where you surf the net and what listen to. He knows how you feel about your mother-in-law and your algebra teacher and …He loves you just the same!

Yes He disciplines us and yes He allows things to happen that hurt but they also draw us near to Him. Personally, it is through the most painful experiences in my Christian life that I have developed the most faith in His provision. He never stops loving us even when we are unfaithful and reject Him, and even when we cannot feel Him.

While a parent may ‘disown’ a child, God will not disown us.  His measure of forgiveness is beyond anything we can even comprehend. It is a gift, it is not deserved and He wants more than anything for us to receive His forgiveness. Have you ever prepared a perfect gift for someone you love so dearly only to have them say ‘no thanks’?  Is that not what we do to God when we reject His grace and forgiveness and we wallow in our own state of being?

A person who has received Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior is an adopted child; we have been bought and paid for by a Father who dearly wanted us and sought us out.  When we blow it (which we will) He’s not going to send us back, He took us at our worse and we’re only getting better as we grow in His presence.  When He took my heart I didn’t even really know if He existed, I know now but sadly I still betray Him.  The difference is I don’t wonder if He’ll forgive me, I know He forgives me; I know He loves me and He desires to spend time with me even though I am a sinner.  My sins are forgiven!

Nothing can separate us from the love of God, no matter how heinous we believe something is. We see things as bad but let me assure you He see things so clearly that our definition of sin and His don’t compare, remember how He sees our good deeds?  Friend, in spite of all His knowledge He still adores us!

³⁸For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8; 38-39 (NIV)

Though He is my dearest friend, He is a Holy God; He does require Holiness to be in His presence and we are not holy (no matter how much money send to Haiti). However, He knows full well we are flesh and that we are not holy and He is not expecting us to be something we are not. No matter how hard we try we will never be Holy as long as we live in these bodies that feed on sinful desires.

²⁹They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, Romans 1:29 (NIV)

So then if we are never going to be holy, no matter how hard we try and He requires holiness to be in His presence, what gives?  He provided a way, a bridge so-to-speak and when we believe He loves us and when we believe He is our Father, our Creator and when we believe He desires closeness with us and when we believe He sent His Son to die on the Cross for our sin…we become clean in His infinite sight (no matter how we feel about our mother in law, by the way I have an excellent one!)

When we believe, when we receive, our lives begin to change.  We are relieved of the burden we have carried from the sin we have committed.  Fully relieved- when we understand what Jesus did for us we are washed clean, white as snow no matter WHAT we have ever done!

"Come now, let us reason together," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool. Isaiah 1:18 (NIV)

He died for the sin of the world…that means your individual sin and mine.  It’s a personal thing. Think of the worst thing you’ve ever done, thought or said.  Imagine Jesus hanging on the Cross with huge nails driven into His hands and feet, a crown of spiky thorns forcefully pressed into the tender flesh of His head. (Now whether you believe He is God or not, this is a historical fact.)

Imagine that He was hanging there, being mocked and teased in sheer agony as punishment for your sin.  Imagine that He willingly went through that barbaric torture because His Father, God loves you so much that He would provide punishment for your sin so you don’t ever have to face the punishment yourself.

Imagine believing that was true. As obscure as it might seem, imagine yourself believing it!  Picture yourself handing Him your entire lifetime of sin, fear, pain regret and anguish.  In that very moment, it leaves you forever. He bears it for you evermore and without end God forgets that you are anything but sinless in His sight through Jesus.

The Lord is compassionate and gracious,

slow to anger, abounding in love.

He will not always accuse,

nor will he harbor his anger forever;

he does not treat us as our sins deserve

or repay us according to our iniquities.

For as high as the heavens are above the earth,

so great is his love for those who fear him;

as far as the east is from the west,

so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

As a father has compassion on his children,

so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;

for he knows how we are formed,

he remembers that we are dust.

As for man, his days are like grass,

he flourishes like a flower of the field;

the wind blows over it and it is gone,

and its place remembers it no more.

But from everlasting to everlasting

the Lord’s love is with those who fear him,

and his righteousness with their children’s children—

with those who keep his covenant

and remember to obey his precepts. Psalm 103: 8-18 (NIV)

We don’t deserve that kind of forgiveness but God loves us so tenderly that He offered that sacrifice so we could be with Him forever. Maybe it doesn’t feel like something that should be good, God allowing His son to be slaughtered but it’s not about feelings it’s about fact; Jesus died on the Cross. You either believe it was acceptable punishment for you sin in the eyes of God or not! You either deny what the Bible says or you believe it. If you deny it you ought to come up with a good argument as to why you know better than gazillions of Christians throughout history.

For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written:

“I will destroy the wisdom of the wise;

the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate.”

Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe. Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks look for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than man’s wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man’s strength.

Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: “Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 1:13-31 (NIV)

Jesus was sentenced to crucifixion on a cross for no ‘earthly’ reason than that He claimed to be the Son of God and people don’t like that!

If you ask me, one who was once burdened so heavily with fear, regret and shame yet now feels the indescribable freedom that comes from being washed by the blood of Jesus I will say it is TRUTH!  I know it and frankly I feel it.

Believe what you want, be ‘spiritual’ or let your beliefs be ‘complicated’ but if you reject what I have received because you don’t want to be in an ‘organized’ religion, you need to know what you are doing.

²³ He who is not with Me is against Me, and he who does not gather with Me scatters. Luke 11:23 (NIV)

Ask yourself, if your child was taken from you, ‘what part of your ‘spirituality’ will comfort you?’  What will you convey to your children when they experience death or destruction or see it repeatedly on the NEWS?

My immediate family lives or life based on a solid foundation from which we can find strength and provide for others. Nothing I personally say or believe has to do with how I feel.

Our religious status is only ‘complicated’ if we never take the time to figure it out.  Perhaps one of the options for our Facebook status should be, I am too fearful at what might happen to me if I put my trust in Jesus Christ so I’d rather live in fear and frustration carrying the weight of a lifetime of pain, regret and resentment while developing ever changing ideas as to why things are the way they are.

Dear God,

I want to believe You love me, but it’s hard. I don’t even know if You really exist. I think You do, but I have experienced so many painful things and feel so dirty-how could you possibly adore me?  I haven’t done what I was supposed to do, I know that. Regardless of how ‘good’ I have lived my life, I have not acknowledged You the way I should have, why would you forgive me?

Lord, I want peace which passes all understanding in all situations. I want to be free from the heavy burden of my sin. I want to be able to understand pain in the world and have answers for my children but I am scared.

I am willing to believe You exist, I am willing to believe You love me just as I am in spite of my issues and my lifestyle.  Though it sounds so odd I am willing to believe that You sent Jesus to die for my sin (past, present and future).  As truly impossible as it seems, I am willing to believe that I can hand Him or hang every bit of pain from my whole life on that Cross and it will be removed from me forever!

as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. Psalm 103:12 (NIV)

I desire to be full of Your Holy Spirit that will guide me, give me peace and comfort me.

²²But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. ²⁴Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. ²⁵Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. ²⁶Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other. Galatians 5:22-23 (NIV)

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What If by Nichole Nordeman

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