All too often we give our best to our jobs, ministries or personal interests, while our own family relationships are being neglected or receiving our leftovers, at best. While we are out making ‘someone’ of ourselves, the ones we love the most are often left in the dust of our hard work and the accolades of others.

Recently I sat in a movie theater, next to the love of my life and husband of the last 16 years. My heart was full of gratitude for what God has done in my marriage. I could, however, sadly relate to many of the emotional outbursts, selfish heartaches and areas of temptation as in presented the movie Fireproof.

While we have an incredibly healthy marriage today, we too had faced a similar blazing inferno in our union. We experienced the depth of pain, that no matter how devastating a split would be, it would offer relief from the emotional turmoil in which we were living.

As I related to the couple in the movie, I saw their focus heavily weighed on ‘the areas in which they were contributing as compared to what little their partner was adding’. I could completely remember the identical frustration we both felt in our relationship.

Most couples start out a marriage on a foundation of feelings. As we all know (except for Tom Cruise who will be in the “honeymoon” phase with Katie Holmes forever) feelings just don’t last. The message of Fireproof was a convicting one never leave your partner behind, in a fire.

What a practical message to apply when we are at our whit’s end in a relationship. Recognize that this person is your partner with whom you have made a lifelong commitment. The movie verbalized the hard cold truth that: we say for “better or worse”, but all too often we really only mean for “better”. We are so in love at the time of commitment that we cannot fathom feeling any differently than the way we do about the other person at that moment.

Eventually the rubber meets the road. In many cases the marriage becomes completely hostile. I’m not talking about bickering; I am talking about pain so deep that people want/need to get out at all costs. When the heaviness of the marriage far outweighs everything else, like being in a burning building it’s natural to just want to run out at all costs. You feel like you are suffocating in pain. No doubt people begin to feel if not actively seek ‘something better’. Yes that’s true there no doubt is something better; but it doesn’t mean there’s got to be someone better.

Our society has gotten so focused on how things feel we abandon commitments when they are hard. Are we willing to walk to the hard road? I have to say from a personal level that I did walk the hard road. I stayed in the fire with my partner and what happened in my heart, my home and in my marriage was more brilliant than anything I could have ever fathomed.

One byproduct of weathering something so bad is that when God does His stuff, it becomes sweet beyond your wildest dreams.

²⁰Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, ²¹to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. Ephesians 3:20

There are at least two girls in my life that I know who are separated. Oh if I could just go into their hearts and lives and give them the what-for to stick with their partner, through the fire. In the movie the husband was challenged to love his wife sacrificially, for 40 days (with an additional specific way, each day). Begrudgingly he committed himself to 40 days. It was hard and required the strength of God, which he did not have at first. He was to love with his life, when his heart was broken, angry and empty.

His commitment to 40 days was doable, but living the rest of his life in pain was not. During that time, he anticipated just meeting the challenge, but the result of his 'acts' of love was his heart began to change.

At first she didn’t receive his love. No matter how hard he tried against all feelings he pressed on, knowing it was only for 40 days. The result of laying his will aside for that period and loving her out of a commitment, even though his feelings were not in it, brought about remarkable results.

What about you, are you willing to love your spouse sacrificially for a mere 40 days? Go to Fireproofmymarriage.com for some support. Get the movie with an open, willing heart. Maybe you cannot imagine loving your spouse again, but would you give it one last try? I am so thankful I did. My biggest earthly treasure is my precious husband. I never dreamed I’d ever feel that way when we were in the fire but as a result of that experience I treasure our commitment.

Even if you aren’t married or in a trial, I hope you’ll see Fireproof anyway.

Let me know if I can encourage you or pray for you in the season you are in. God has moved a mountain in my life, I know firsthand about what He can do and I’d love to see Him do it for you.